My lemon of a day started out at 6:30am with a snake on the floor in my bedroom.  Did I make lemonade from this, you bet I did.

Now, let me tell you why this was a significant parenting moment. For as long as I can remember I have been terrified of snakes. I skip the reptile house at the zoo, I have never seen the first Indiana Jones movie – I hear he’s afraid of them too. Just writing this blog with the word Snake in it is an achievement for me. So my parenting thought was this – Which do I choose – Tell my two daughters, who are 14 and 20 years old, there was a snake in the house, so they can be aware and make any necessary adjustments? Or get rid of the snake, don’t tell them at all, and hope none of his cousins are waiting to come it too. I must admit the second one was quite appealing.

But because the goal for me as their mom is to give them practice making decisions for themselves, I knew I had to tell them. Parenting decision #1 – done.

Now the follow up was probably more difficult – How and when to tell them.  But I did it and here comes the lemonade. My younger daughter, who is usually more dramatic in her reactions, said “How big was it mom? Oh just a little skinny one? These things happen in the desert where we live, I’m OK with it.” Wow that was totally not the reaction I expected. But I’m glad she was so calm about it. My older daughter who usually doesn’t show a lot of emotion said – “What! Why don’t you guys close the doors! How could this happen! What are we gonna do now!” Needless to say, this was not what I expected from her.

The result – My neighbor got the snake out of my bedroom, took it outside and put it in the desert. We sealed the doors with weather stripping. Now no more slithery friends can come in. (Yeah, I’m getting over my fear)

The moral of my story, your fears do not have to be your kid’s fears. Tell them truths in a balanced way so they can come to their own conclusions. And expect the unexpected.

Parents, what are your most memorable lemons to lemonade stories?

Enjoy your lemonade!

According to a recent survey on the parental control website  http://on.fb.me/pJFDP4 20% of all teens are sexting; 22% of girls and 18% of boys. Sexting includes sending and receiving sexual photos and text messages. Here are more numbers: 1 in 10 teenagers aged 14 to 24 has sent or received a nude image. Of those that receive nude messages, 17% will pass it on to another person. Of those 17%, 55% will share it with more than one person.

Parents this is a real pressure cooker for teen boys and girls. Today’s technology makes it fast and easy to share these photos within your teen’s friend group. But is does not stop there, sexting pictures can travel the world in a matter of minutes. And once they are out there, there is no taking them back.

 Many experts find that girls are more aggressive these days, willing to follow the leads of so many movies and print adds that show women barely clothed, if at all. They think it is a way to connect to their boyfriends. Many boys agree thinking the photos are”hot.” Often these teen romances do not last, someone is hurt and in that moment, have no second thoughts, they press “send” and a teens life is changed forever.

Parents, it is so important to have an open discussion about sexting with your teen. Beginning around 11 years old and continuing through the early 20s, your teen’s brain is rapidly changing. Sound decision making and, considering consequences are two qualities that have not fully developed in teenagers. They need their parents to talk with them, to help them make sound decisions in this world of constant and relentless peer pressure.

 Ask specific questions, do not assume they have or have not sent or received a sexting message. Be complete in your explanations of the high cost of this behavior. Talk with them about self esteem and honoring their bodies and well as another person’s privacy. Most important, show them that you are a great listener by staying calm and not judging. As hard as this conversation might be, you want them to be comfortable now and so they will open up to you for many other discussions to come.

Advice for parents from commonsencemedia.org http://bit.ly/pog3qQ

• Don’t wait for an incident to happen to your child or your child’s friend before you talk about the consequences of sexting. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to have the talk before something happens.
• Remind your kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved — and they will lose control of it. Ask teens how they would feel if their teachers, parents, or the entire school saw the picture, because that happens all the time.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.
• Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, they’re distributing pornography — and that’s against the law.
• Check out http://www.thatsnotcool.com/ it’s a fabulous site that gives kids the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands. It’s also a great resource for parents who are uncomfortable dealing directly with this issue.

More information: 11 Facts about texting: http://bit.ly/nZCN9X

Arizona law about sexting explained: http://bit.ly/hS24Sz

Parents this is a real pressure cooker for teen boys and girls. Today’s technology makes it fast and easy to share these photos within your teen’s friend group. But is does not stop there, sexting pictures can travel the world in a matter of minutes. And once they are out there, there is no taking them back.

 Many experts find that girls are more aggressive these days, willing to follow the leads of so many movies and print adds that show women barely clothed, if at all. They think it is a way to connect to their boyfriends. Many boys agree thinking the photos are”hot.” Often these teen romances do not last, someone is hurt and in that moment, have no second thoughts, they press “send” and a teens life is changed forever.

Parents, it is so important to have an open discussion about sexting with your teen. Beginning around 11 years old and continuing through the early 20s, your teen’s brain is rapidly changing. Sound decision making and, considering consequences are two qualities that have not fully developed in teenagers. They need their parents to talk with them, to help them make sound decisions in this world of constant and relentless peer pressure.

 Ask specific questions, do not assume they have or have not sent or received a sexting message. Be complete in your explanations of the high cost of this behavior. Talk with them about self esteem and honoring their bodies and well as another person’s privacy. Most important, show them that you are a great listener by staying calm and not judging. As hard as this conversation might be, you want them to be comfortable now and so they will open up to you for many other discussions to come. 

Advice for parents from commonsencemedia.org http://bit.ly/pog3qQ

• Don’t wait for an incident to happen to your child or your child’s friend before you talk about the consequences of sexting. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to have the talk before something happens.
• Remind your kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved — and they will lose control of it. Ask teens how they would feel if their teachers, parents, or the entire school saw the picture, because that happens all the time.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.
• Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, they’re distributing pornography — and that’s against the law.
• Check out http://www.thatsnotcool.com/it’s a fabulous site that gives kids the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands. It’s also a great resource for parents who are uncomfortable dealing directly with this issue.

More information: 11 Facts about texting: http://bit.ly/nZCN9X 

Arizona law about sexting explained: http://bit.ly/hS24Sz

 Parenting is not a sprint;

 It is important to make that road of communication WIDE and a two way street. For as we parent our teenagers COMMUNICATION is the key.  Sometimes what parents “say” is not at all what our kids hear. Remember your teen may hear things in a whole different way, from what you meant to say. Effective communication is possible through active listening, watching body language and a desire to understand and be understood!

93% of human communication is through our body language -posture, gestures, and facial expressions. This means our teens are only hearing about 7 % of what we say. So you can bet – all eyes are on what you do more than what you say.

But, don’t lose hope that your words are falling on deaf ears. They are not! In marketing it is common to wisdom that a customer needs to hear your message at least 7 times before they remember and take action. The same holds true for teens. Don’t be shy parents, we need to repeat our messages more than once, if we want our teens to remember  AND we need to demonstrate those same messages through our actions.

Follow you own identified family values and some commonly agreed upon ones - treat others with respect, don’t talk or text while driving, clean up after yourself around the house, take responsibility when you are wrong, etc. Your teens will be more willing to listen when you talk about the big stuff, like drugs, drinking and sex.

We have to build a positive relationship before we can expect true listening from our  teens and before we can do effective discipline. Think of your relationship with your children like a bank account. You have to invest before you can withdraw!

Positive Family Relationships

Begin With You!

Parents are you asking these questions:

What will my child be like as a teenager?  How will I survive the teen years?

Our family is moving through a divorce: How will I help my kids adjust? 

Will my former spouse and I be able to work together to raise our children?

Raising teens and moving through divorce are major transition times for parents and children. There is uncertainty. There may be fear.  In either case, your children’s behavior and moods may look unrecognizable to you. We know that parenting is both important and difficult, especially during the teen years and divorce. But how will you regain your  ability to be strong and confident, to guide and support your children through these changes?

The Whole Family is your place for answers!

The Whole Family offers classes, seminars, workshops and group discussions, designed to build and strengthen positive relationships in your family. 

A whole family begins with you, the parent.  This does not mean you have to be perfect in every thing you do. It does means you are actively aware of your own strengths and challenges, and are equipped with targeted parenting strategies. Then you are better able to purposefully focus your efforts on being a positive leader in your family. 

I can help bring out the confident you that is always there, but just blocked and guarded from the stress that comes with moving through divorce and/or raising teenagers.

I teach proven strategies from an evidence based curriculum, Active Parenting™. 

I work with parents enhancing your current parenting style by:

Remembering to take care of youself – Place your own oxygen mask on first, before you attempt to help those around you.

Parenting Teens- preventing power struggles; communication and cooperation; responsibility and courage; discussing sex, drugs and alcohol; and more

Cooperative Parenting and Divorce – working toward positive relationships with your former spouse, your child’s “forever” parent.

Active Parenting for Stepfamilies - tools for parents and stepparents to gain greater self-confidence as they form a new family structure. 

When you practice parenting strategies that work for you, you have more confidence as you guide your children to become loving, self reliant, responsible young people. Your children will be prepared to find their way in today’s world and thrive in the world of their future!

About ShaRon Rea 

The Whole Family, Owner-Parent Educator: Single Mom of two kids ages 14 and 20. I’m a dynamic leader with a passion for helping parents and children live together with love, respect and cooperation. Learn  more on the “ABOUT” tab.

Contact me to schedule classes or for more information ShaRon@parentingclassesnow.com

Thank you.

The Whole Family

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